I Quit.

I am alive and feeling every moment of life.

I'm a slave for you...

shake me, wake me.

Shake me up and you will find
all the memories you left behind
to choose nothing that lives beside
you, me and everyone else you take in stride.

i am your number one follower
i am your number one fan
but what you going to do my love
when all your left with is your failing plan.

Amorous cunt

coming back to reality now
i'm seeking a new prospect
i'm seeking a new thrill
i'm seeking the same old rememberance of myself
if only it were that easy
everything would now fall
in it's place
it has been enough time
i seem to remember it like it was yesterday
you and me, we set out into the glaring light
into the crowds of people
where no one even knew
where no one cared
it is all but a joyous beginning
again we set out on that same path
and take the same roads
leading up to the time now
made the same mistake again
and laughed an asinine laugh
bathing in the sudden joy of things
who wanted to change the past?
was it me?
or that reflection you saw once
in that mirror by the pool?
i had cried many nights
at the death of my reflection
among jubilant cries
and boorish fools
coalesced and happy
i still am waiting.
reliving my life
reliving everything
and seeing the joy in peoples eyes
i am an amorous cunt
waiting to be proded
and bleed into the arms of love
wondering with ever growing resistance
what was it holding my leg
breaking down things of the past
and glorification of deeds
I am the present everlasting
The signification of those morose actions
Forming a solecism of humour
Laughing , playing and greeting
My many memories of you and me and us
Remember the time?
Remember the place

Confusion says

Confusion is the birth of tragedy
who would know better than i?
for i have seen in the eyes of thousands
the emptiness where confusion lies.
it starts off slow but picks up pace
and harbours dreams of never dying
because it knows all the fools in the world
within whom it can always survive.

Confusion is the cure to many
and to many it is but a sin
but confusion is death in hiding
and therefore it should never win.
we'll think and die and try and try
till we blow through its misty cloud
but in the end it'll just come back
and drown you till it lauds.

it ruins thoughts and bludgen hope
and crushes dreams in time
so you never realise which way to go
or how to bring those dreams alive.
confusion is an evil thing,
born straight from the evil eye
rots your brain and fucks you up
like a disease ridden hooker saying goodbye.

Singing dreams

I'm living a dream in the infinity of time
where the grass grows big and the sky turns white
but beauty stands still and the heart still decides
When my dream sings out to the tune inside

the feelings rush forward from the back of my mind
when i was young and my heart was kind
and summer love was never denied
So my dream sings out to the tune inside.

they all say it's impossible to hide
the truth of things that do provide
all meaning to life and the force to tide
When my dream sings out to the tune inside.

when we're old and too fragile to dance
i'll hold your hand and take the chance
to anger time and make death hide
because my dream sings out to the tune inside.

reason to love is reason to die
but not reason enough to never try
to free all the passions that never abide
to the dream that sings out to the tune inside.

when the music plays and hope prevails
when the drama stops and the actors laze
when the end is over to let freedom glide
my dream still sings out to the tune inside.

work a day or work a year
or work forever to bring your future near
but never work to let your present die
cause my dream sings out to the tune inside.

magic makes the traveller strong
for the paths he treads are never wrong
with the companion i sleep besides
when my dream sings out to the tune inside.

when she speaks to you in twisted tongues
or wraps you in her amorous buns
wait for her mind to break and heart decide
cause the dream sings out to the tune inside.

My message to the today's world.

FUCK YOU.

i don't need your shit.
i don't need your names
your labels
your ideals
your beliefs
your desires
your needs
your greed
your lack of knowledge
your lack of care
your ignorance
your bliss
your hidden agenda
your disdain
your arrogance
your relevance
your disbelief
your reasons
your obsessions
your faith
your empathy
your sympathy
your change
your useless games
your fantasies
your props
your culture
your diversity
your comforts
your attitude
your disgust
your anguish
your language
your trechery
your bigotry
your thrills
your skills
your slangs
your skanks
your justice
your thought
your hate
your peace
your anguish
your music
your pace
your games
your aims.

FUCK YOU.

Filling the void

we're made of insecurities
you, me and everyone else
and while the world tries to avoid them
i quietly learn to abate them
tempt them with tales of gold
trap them with insecurities of their own.
she made the decision
and we wept on open shores
our tears mixing with the seas
our hopes seeming further than they'll ever be
lightning struck
and burnt my thoughts to coal
then thunder followed
and drowned my voice as i questioned god
and then there was the rain
that washed my sins away
lying on the beach
the questions still unanswered
those of being good enough
honest enough
smart enough
or even strong enough
i wrapped myself in the open arms of the sand
and woke up naked to the bone
the slush of rain and sand had corroded my skin
and i could now feel.
feel the gravel under my toes as they wiggled free
feel the burning under my skin
feel the rain cleanse my body and soul
feel the emotions fill up that gaping hole
i was one again
and i was i
i was we
and we were truly free
wearing nothing but a smile
i walked the haunted road
back to the life of mine
i will not let them win
i will not ruin everything
i will not go astray
i will not hide today
i will not be locked up
i wil lnot be talked at
i will not stand for pain
i will not change with gain
i will not take it slow
i will never let her know

Nothing.

i am the nothing you long to go home to
i am the nothing you wait to do
i am the nothing you become
i am the nothing and everything under the sun
i am the nothing that makes you free
i am the nothing that just lets you be
i am the nothing that changes all
i am the nothing that breaks your fall
i am the nothing you hope to change
i am the nothing you live to gain
i am the nothing that breaks you
i am the nothing that takes you
i am the nothing that makes the world
i am the nothing that you can't control
i am the nothing at the end
i am the nothing inside a friend
i am the nothing in the air
i am the nothing that scares
i am the nothing that comes with the morning sun
i am the nothing that leaves the smoking gun
i am the nothing in the drop of morning dew
i am the nothing inside a special few
i am the nothing that helps you live
i am the nothing that you can't forgive
i am the nothing in outer space
i am the nothing you can't erase
i am the nothing you sleep with
i am the nothing you hit
i am the nothing that's been holding you down
i am the nothing that's left town
i am the nothing inside an empty bottle
i am the nothing pushes the throttle
i am the nothing hidden between words
i am the nothing that you've given up on
i am the nothing worth living for
i am the nothing worth fighting for
i am the nothing that hides your passion
i am the nothing that controls your actions
i am the nothing you love to hate
i am the nothing you'll always debate
i am the nothing that never leaves your mind
i am the nothing that changes time
i am the nothing that needs saying
i am the nothing you always keep praying
i am the nothing you gives you hope
i am the nothing that you always grope
i am the nothing that leads the way
i am the nothing that makes you sway
i am the nothing you drink
i am the nothing that brings you back from the brink
i am the nothing hitting you in the face
i am the nothing saves you from disgrace
i am the nothing that adds to the beat
i am the nothing in the summer heat
i am the nothing inside
i am the nothing besides
i am the nothing for
i am the nothing against
i am the nothing that sets you free
i am the nothing that lets you be.
i am nothing.
i am nothing.

Another one of those days.

Among other things remained the days
Of long forgotten friendships
Lives, thoughts and dreams
all mixed up and told as one.
The stories used to be the same,
the characters straight out of the book
All ready to face the world.

Somewhere in the middle
the path broke away and left the decision to each
each to his own, his own path to glory
one further away from the other
one close to each
and one furthest away from both

Independence to each
the paths met halfway for storytelling
one would talk while the others listened
and we were one again
for that split second which would last a lifetime

reminding them of the days that had passed
time spent alone
gaining confidence, trust and sympathy from time
lasting no longer than a day
their lives were waiting
nothing could stop them.

coming together again each time gloom struck
'fair weather friends' was no longer a term
strength, determination and courage
one stood for each
and all together.

the good old days
were never coming back
they were sick of being the only saviours
to men that once were
constantly being reminded of all the possibilities
that lurked, waited in their minds to happen
but some thoughts die waiting to become reality
and others never do
they just prod and pinch from their hidden layer
in the minds of whom they love
a constant reminder.

together one last time
the glory days were back
in the brain and the heart
it's never too late for company
feelings sought out dance with joy
they can roam free and limitless
love whomever, wherever, whenever they want.

Aur Kya?

Zinda dilo ki dhandkan
Mujhemein sama jaye toh kya?
Mil jaye jab teeno
Zindagi simmat jaye toh kya?

Har chehre par say nakab uth gaye toh kya?
Un aasuoon ke boojh say
Dharati hil jaye toh kya

Zinda chale us mode par
Jahaan aasmaan mile toh kya?
Jahan ko, haath mein utha lekar
peeh gaye toh kya?

sab sapne hamare, apahij ban gaye toh kya?
chalte chalte woh ludak gaye toh kya?
phir uhtne ka hausala unme hai toh kya?
chalke phir meri jaan banane ka intazar hai toh kya?

Hamari zamanat ka raaz mil gaya toh kya?
Iqraar kare jo humse, hamari jaan nahin toh kya?
uska naam milte milte, jamaana badal gaya toh kya?
janta hai dil mera, tumhara nahin toh kya

Another take at patriotism

Paida huey toh dhool chad gayi chehre par

Dhool ki sugand say mitti ka ahsaas hua

Mitti haath may lekar jeb may rakhli

Soochte baad mein mehsoos karenge…

Thode aur bade honepar , jeb mein haath daala

Chalte thay ehsaas lekar, bharat ka naam roshan karenge…

Un dino ki baat alag thi

Voh zamana kuch aur tha

Baat karte jis jabaan mein, vohi rehti dil mein.

Maa ne jab jeb dekhi, chilla uthi mujh par

Mujhe chaata lagakar mitti haath mein rakhdi

“ kyu uthalata hai dhool ko roj apne saath?”

Usse kya maalum us mitti ka mahatva jo rakkhi thi meri haath

is mitti mein mera jivan hai maa, is mitti mein meri jaan hai,

bol pada mai apne bachpan mein, yay is desh ki maan hai…

pakadna chaha jab is mitti ko jor say, haath say nikalte rahi…

college mein pahonchte, sirf ek kankar raha haath mein

us kankar ko dhoondte jamaana gujar gaya

videsh gaya jab, vah mila usi haath mein…

us sugandh ko lekar lag gaya videshi kaam mein

desh ki yaad aati jab usi haath ko soongleta

soochta vakt milnepar jaoonga kiss hal mein…

apne desh ki yaad mein us rayth kay kankar ko dhekha

magar vah haath say nikal kar ja bethi dimag mein

ab khali haath mein khujli thi us mitti kay ehsaas ki

ab apne desh jaoonga har haal mein.

Freedom

we'll free the world together
just you, me and our ideas

we'll paint the world monochromatic
and save the colours for ourselves

we'll have selfish needs
that make selfish worlds

we'll wait for something to believe
and fight for everything we don't

we'll travel across cities
holding hands and singing songs

we'll bathe in cultures of a thousand suns
and experiment with love

we'll travel back in time together
and free ourselves of shame

we'll rebuild the world as such
where life isn't just a game

we'll teach people the true meaning of honour
by showing them our own

we'll dance the dance and walk the walk
till once again we are whole

we'll marry sense and religion
and sit back to answer prays'

we'll kill all the bastards
that raise their voice against

we'll break free from monotony
and fuck all things routine

we'll challege the gods of time
and laugh our way to death

we'll fool everyone with pens
with our greatness and mystique

we'll knock god's immortality
till he's mortal again

we'll ask a thousand questions
and revolt for our aswers

we'll bask in the glory
of a hundred million sons

we'll finally be prepared
to commit the final sin

we'll live our lives to the fullest
only when you hold my hand again...

Of Cops and Lovers

There we were again
the rain pouring hard
proving that you couldn't always get what you wanted
i held her hand and helped her through it
i wasn't sure if it was for her or me
i needed the touch
i needed the assurance

The sound of constant water hurt the ear
probably more than insults being thrown at me

how had this come to pass
a year ago we were happy
a year ago we were rich
a year ago it didn't matter
but good fortune's a whore of another kind
she pays her clients for a good time
we just stood there in the rain
quiet now

her make up slowly washing away all the lies
while she tried to tip the corners of her mouth towards the sky
she had said all that she needed to
and i had tried to listen
and learn

standing under than fire of droplets
i realised how much she had put up with
and instantly grew fonder
every memory of our lives together
filled my thoughts with colour

yellow for the joys of living under the sun
red for the pain of building a house
green for the temptations of a better life
blue for the betrayal of fate
pink for the importance of chance
red again for love

it came rushing back at once
i pulled her close
a little too violently
i didn't want the feeling to pass
she understood in a second
she always did
and then we both leaned in.

The sound of the constant water pleased the ear
but not more than the healing of our hearts.

Apna haath - Juggernaut

of toings, poings and flying hippos

There have been reasons in my life
just like everyone elses'
to give up and play dead
and never try again
but then, "where's the fucking fun in that"
and so we smoked.
Just me and us.

it akes a drag to realise what you're really made of
and another to realise what everyone else is

it takes three to see the light
and four to look beyond it

it takes five to come to terms with reality
and six to finally laugh at it

it takes seven to make up your own
and eight to laugh at it again

it takes nine to find out why life is just a game
and ten to always want to play again

If by the 11th you're still standing,
you'll know what 'Toings' are

and how they'll never happen to you by the 12th

you'll learn of flying hippo's by the 13th
and of their awesomeness by the 14th

but what you'll never realise even
by the 15th is nothing feels the same.

and then by the 17th,
you'll see what you were always meant to gain.

lekin, magar and agar...

There's more than meets the I.

So i've just been told that there already has been a Chaddiman comic in the market for quite some time now. This does not bode well with me.

The bastard, whoever it is has not only stolen my identity, but has managed to give it more meaning than me. Here i'm assuming ofcourse that the bastard is someone i know and have shared the idea with and ofcourse has stolen it, from me.

Super Heroes are awesome.

And it is getting very pissing off in general that every Tomesh, Dinesh and Harish are roaming around shouting out how cool batman is. Back in the day, (yes i said back in the day) it used to be a thing for geeks and nerds to be discussing. I'm not saying that i was as cool as anyone of them, i read my share of super hero comics and i liked them. But that was when no one read them!

No one but them still reads them but that doesn't stop everyone from talking about it. Saala ek picture kya dekh liya, apne aap ko Alan Moore samajh lete hain.

I was in a workshop the other day and a point was made about superheroes being an assets and not brands anymore, which again is true. And it might lead to the comic indutry making a lot more money and encourage people to make more comics and all that, but the process sure is pissing off.

I've noticed recently how much of a happier person i've become over the past few months. I know it contradicts the mood set in the former part of the entry, but it's true. And i'm not entirely sure what the reasons are for it. I've short listed a few

- The lack of woman = the lack of drama = awesomeness
- The bonding with my fellow men, whom i absolutely love and adore.
- Finally giving MY life a 100%
- Finding Music.
- A bit of travel and the prospects of travel.
- The liberty of creative satisfaction (one of the results of which is the following)


Now there's something i don't mind staying connected to all the time.

The Original Chaddiman flies off.

Batman to the rescue.

As you will find out in the course of this entry, the title has nothing to do with the actual content that you will be reading. So in case you just happened to stumble upon this site or entry and are really excited to read something about our favourite superhero, please continue... chaddiman will be making a regular appearance.


That being said.

The shift has been made. In more ways than one. I've shifted agencies from the old ambience to a fussion of a redder kind. :P

I have also shifted blogs from livejournal to here. And while that account will still be posted on, it might not contain as many postings owing to the limitations on uploading pictures.

*************************************************************************************


It has been one hell of a month.

finally taking a trip to kumbh

getting conned by a baba - i wholly and solely blame my father for this.

being driven off the streets in Rishikesh

walking an endless amount

rediscovering the joys of friendship

roughing it out a tad bit

discovering how cool my extended family is

jumping of a cliff into the ganga

smoking pot with strangers

finding culture in the oddest of places

from the oddest of people





seeing faith in its purest form




hoping some of it rubs of on me.


the city has killed that part of us. the part that should believe in the irrational belief of our ancestors. the part that never challenged or questioned why we had that faith. it was just there. and no amount of thinking could change it.

while i do believe in god, i've never been on to worship idols, even though their stories are way cooler than anything i've ever come across.
we have no faith.

but i do have faith in chaddiman.
(see i told you he'd make an appearance in the post)

i'll see you fuckers later.